Choosing between A or B.
Last week, as you all know, I was knocked on my ass by 2 infections, one through a wound at the bottom of my foot and another in the ankle all on my left leg.
Thankfully, I got onto it really quickly, and took myself up to our local hospital on the Saturday morning once I knew that it had progressed beyond what was just simply a wound. While at the hospital, I had a doctor who asked me about my life and the commitments that I have, in regards to what would be the best management plans for healing me. She said to me, “It's great you've been able to recognize that something's going on, you've responded really quickly and got in for treatment really fast.” She went on to say a lot of people will wait and wait and wait. And two weeks down the track, end up with what would be a Sepsis infection. 25 years ago I got a Sepsis infection and they aren't pretty and I was really unwell in hospital for a week - I never want to let something get that bad again, that’s why I didn’t delay taking myself up to get checked out. Instead of waiting for the GP 2 days later - that’s if I could even get in. I know that infection can spread quickly, especially when I could see how the red marking were traveling from the initial ankle site and then up my leg all the way to my groin.
Now the interesting part is while talking to the doctor, she said “Look, there is a little bit of inflammation showing on the X ray, but it's nothing super serious yet. Clearly there’s a bad infection brewing that could affect the bone. I'm going to give you two options because we have that since you responded so quickly. I understand your life.” She said, “I have the same life, a busy mum that is depended on” Your options are: You can either come in, we'll admit you now, you stay in for two days of IV bags of antibiotics. It's over quickly. It's dealt with - yes there are other dangers with iv anti’s, but all going well, your recovery will be faster BUT you'll be totally removed from your family, and that obviously has consequences and its own set of challenges. The second option is I can send you home right now. And you get six days of intensive antibiotics. Every four hours, you cannot miss one. It'll be a slower heal, in fact it might get a bir worse before it gets better, BUT you'll be back with your family. You get to go back to home to your own bed, you get to be there to emotionally support your family through life stuff.”
All I could think about when she mentioned the first option was my husband's business. And knowing what his schedule was full and I couldn’t ask him for flexibility, because when you move things around for a Trades business, it means you have to move other subtrades and it’s messy and he already had so much on his plate. Also, that we had two grandparents away and one grandparent that works full time and has massive work commitments. And I just thought, Fuck - option one is going to really ruffle some feathers.
So I choose option 2, I went home. I hadn't counted on that everyone else’s convenience would delay my healing. Because I didn't sit down as well as I should. I drove the car when I wasn't supposed to, I didn't reach out to other people as much as I should have. I spent a good two days on the couch, emotionally worn out and frustrated - trying to shout instructions for the kids from the couch. Jay had been amazing but hadn’t sat down for 3 days and was doing all the kids running around for sports and cooking at night. He was exhausted, I could see it on his face. I couldn’t help myself, in true mum style I had to help keep the house in order to lessen his load at night.
My option 2 had backfired, the long drawn-out process had actually created stress - a different kind, but stress no less. It’s 11 days now and I’m still not quite right. WTF!
We all have hurdles; we all have challenges. What’s been interesting as I talk with other women through the week, they've said they would have chosen option two as well, because they feel this this massive obligation to be everyone's, everything all the time, regardless of how well or unwell they are. And I wonder how my pain, my discomfort, the frustration and the shouting I did from the couch to try and motivate people who were out of routine and who were worried about me. If, perhaps, all of that could have been avoided if I swiftly had a chosen option A. Yeah it was a bit inconvenient. We would have had to make some phone calls, shuffled some things about, made our apologies. But we would have made it work because, we've always made it work.
My usual motto of being of service to others, this time, came at the cost of my wellness. I'm still healing, I'm still hobbling. I still have wounds that are getting cared for. Why did I still feel this overwhelming need to push through. So my point is, how many times have you found yourself choosing option B?
If I had my time again, I would have stayed in that hospital. I should have taken the option of IV antibiotics and got on top of this infection much faster.
I should have put me first -I should have. I should have. I should have. Why do I always learn the hard way?!
That's the thing with some of us humans isn't it? Again, hindsight shows me the hard way. Let my foolish choice be your permission to choose you today!
To book that appointment that you've been meaning to do for ages, to check out that lump that niggles away at the end of the day when you remembered you didn't book an appointment to go. Get that mole check. Get the breast check. Book in for the Pap smear.
Hell, don’t forgot the fun stuff - to go and get a massage or a facial. If you are someone who needs permission -take this as my humble permission for a little bit of self-care for long term quality and endurance. Choose you today.
If you see me shuffling along in my socks and crocs shoes.. let me hear a “I choose me!”
Much love from Gayle (and her socks and crocs.)
Take care everybody and enjoy your week ahead. As always, thank you for reading.
xoxoxoxoxo
